I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
