wrigley field is MILF paradise
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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