Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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