So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
