ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
