I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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