Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
