No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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