I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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