She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
