Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's always time for handjobs
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
