I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
