dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
