Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize