a queef is a wish your heart makes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
