got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
