can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
