nut hugger
farters have to be the big spoon...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
