and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
