i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
