that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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