Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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