I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
