drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
