Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
