I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
