i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
