Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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