Whod you bang
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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