Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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