i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
