Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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