dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
