the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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