I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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