I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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