There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize