i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it's like iHOP with fire
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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