We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
