Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
