This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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