i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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