Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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