Just cropdusted the office
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
