apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
