dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize