my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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