you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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