NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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