Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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