If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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