Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
