you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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