We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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