And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
