he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
