I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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