Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
