she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
