never play flip cup with pint glasses
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
