I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
