I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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