im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
