On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
