4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
