idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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