I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
