Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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