Just mADE A PArabola og urine
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
