Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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