So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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