eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
FUCK WHALES
Randomize