hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How external is "for external use only"?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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