I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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