I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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