I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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