It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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