I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
