First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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