I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
