the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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