saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
