You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
