It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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