Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
