He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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