I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
