HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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