So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just want to make out with him forever
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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