i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
