Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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