3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
