i barfeds in our rink
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
