Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
