I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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