Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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