I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
