When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
