sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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