Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
