You can't motorboat a personality
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
