He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
