U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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